My plate is too small.

I have a lot going on right now. Homeschooling, of course, I'm taking physics (not recommended) and world history, we are  preparing for an international move (and we aren't sure where we are going but we are leaving Mexico), hub's job change, Bible study, my poor husband was sick all weekend, we are celebrating Nikolas' fifth birthday, ugh, there must be more.

I have been very overwhelmed with a lot of anxiety and emotions. I have been turning to food and have gained a few pounds back. I know God has it all figured out and I know He will provide for our family. If I didn't know that I would be in a padded room. Sometimes I am really close to that but then I step back and I give it to God. I can feel my shoulders lift and it feels good. I wish I could stop taking it back though.

Mom Station

My computer, easel, printer and bulletin board. The blue thing  on the right is our schedule (like how it is empty?).

On the left is school planning stuff and all the white drawers are my craft supplies. To the right (not pictured) is our main bookshelf. 

Yep. she is.

The Gentleness Challenge

As you read last week, I have been struggling with some things. I felt like my umbrella had blown inside out and it was hailing. My husband got me a new umbrella and reminded me that I don't have to hold it all by myself. God is holding the umbrella and my husband is holding my hand. It is day by day, digging out and getting ahead. Satan knows what brings me down, he knows how to hold me there. I have to make the choice to get on the right path every day; every hour; in each challenge of the day.
Today I read two blog posts that lit a path for me. Sam at Sam's Noggin posted about returning to our foundations. And Courtney at Women Living Well is doing The Gentleness Challenge. Go read their posts and be inspired to get on the right track like I was.

Therapy

I know I have been MIA quite a bit lately. I've felt a bit like I need a padded room and maybe some magic happy pills but I had a long talk with [my wonderful] husband and I am feeling better about it all. I don't have one overwhelming stressor, I have a hundred small ones. I know the first rule of being a mom is to never compare yourself or your children to anyone else but it is hard not to. I have friends with real issues; divorce, children with special needs, deployed husbands, single parenting, cancer. I do realize how truly blessed we are. And sometimes I don't feel like I have any room to complain about things. So, occasionally I have a melt down because I don't have the release of stress. I was ready to sign myself into a nice cooshy funny farm. But my [wonderful] husband reminded me that I need to take some time for myself. I am constantly under stress of some kind from some direction and I was never giving myself a break. Therefore breakdown ensued. I cried, I yelled, I shut down.

"Abundance"

I prayed... a lot. And after talking to my [wonderful] hubs I felt so much better. We talked about me getting back to the things I love and having some Emily-time daily. I could take a bubble bath or have some crafting time or reading. Something that allows me to turn off and not have to think. I put on my big girl panties and moved on. The next day I got out my new (I have never painted before) acrylic paint set and painted for about 4 hours while the boys watched Leapfrog and Dinosaur Train. Sometimes we really do need the electronic babysitter. And therapy of some kind, whether you talk to someone or just get those emotions on paper. You'll feel better. Do it.
So this is my first ever painting. If anyone wants to buy it just message me. :)

Ch-ch-changes

We are preparing for some changes in our home. For most of November we will be visiting family in the states and I have been preparing for homeschooling there. What to take, what to leave at home and inexpensive things that I can get there rather than taking.
But the biggest thing is that I will be starting school. I was planning on starting this week but I am going to wait until January. My major has also changed from my previous post and the school. Told you there has been and will be more changes around here.
And with homeschooling my guys, I haven't had much time to blog. I haven't tried any new recipes either... I am planning on making some fun and yummy fall food while I'm visiting my family. Mexico doesn't carry canned pumpkin! Can you believe it? I have some recipes that I found on Pinterest that look so good! I cannot wait. I got a new laptop so I will share those with you while I'm there.
Tomorrow at Bible study we will be having a missions day and we'll be making baby blankets! I love mission days! Please read this post about the babies with no blankets! If you are looking for someone to give your old blankets to or a ministry that is changing lives contact me and I will let you know more about how you can help!
And I cannot forget Halloween. This is a hot topic with many Christians. But I will tell you that it is all about the candy for this family! We (not me!) dress up in fun costumes and get lots of free candy! That is it. Especially living in Mexico, today is Dia de las Muertos or Day of the Dead. This is an actual holiday and hubs is home from work today. But the ninos y ninas were dressed up like dead people while trick or treating. Yikes! Not us! Buzz and Optimus Prime here!

Here are my little trick or treaters! 

Need Your Help!

Recently I posted about the Blankets for Babies and I have decided to do a fundraiser to help this ministry. Do me a favor, go read the post again. Then come back to this post and read about one way you can help.
I am an Usborne Books consultant and I am doing a fundraiser for the month of October. Any money that I earn during October will be donated to buy supplies to make blankets for these babies. You can do some Christmas shopping for all the kiddos in your life and you can help these mothers that would not otherwise have blankets for their newborn babies.
Click here to order online! 

BONUS: If anyone signs up to be an Usborne Consultant during the month of October, I will donate $20 of my own money to the fund!

College? really?

I love KLOVE. If you don't know who they are you better go google it. Nah, here is the link. I can listen to wonderful Christian music anywhere in the world because of KLOVE! Recently they have been running a spot about a chance to win a scholarship to Colorado Christian University. I'm not exactly sure why but I went and applied for the scholarship. Within five minutes, seriously, my phone was ringing. It was an enrollment counselor from CCU making sure I understood what I had entered and she wanted to know if I was serious. I was honest and said, "uh, I dunno." I'm a homeschool mom to two young boys, in a foreign country, with a husband that travels a lot. We have a huge apartment that I have to take care of and cook all (well, most of) the meals. And now I am thinking about starting college. Did I mention that hubs will be starting a Masters program soon?
She offered to email some information and said to let her know if I had any questions. Turns out CCU has a huge military tuition discount, too. So I am working on my FAFSA to see how much aid I can get. And today... I did it. I applied for college. I APPLIED FOR COLLEGE!

This is your life.
Are you who you want to be?
My answer would be-no. Don't get me wrong, I love my husband and my boys. But sometimes I just don't feel complete, I don't feel like I know what I'm doing here. I don't really know who I am beyond a wife and a mom.
What is my purpose? I want to be what God wants me to be and right now I don't know if I am filling those shoes.
Why am I here? In Mexico, not on earth. Is it so I can learn to depend on God? Is it so I can re-prioritize my life?
I have decided to make a few changes. Less of some things, more of some other things. More of God, more prayer time, more listening time. I pray that God gives me some focus or some encouragement.
How do you know your purpose? Was it obvious? has your purpose changed over time?

Preparing

Just wanted to do a quick post to let you faithful readers know that my family is going on our Alaskan vacation soon! My posts will be sporadic over the next month. We start school on August 23rd and I'll be back to my regular posts including some great vacation photos, I'm sure. I'll also take this time to thank all my wonderful readers. Just knowing you're there gives me such encouragement. I am truly blessed. Thank you!

Officemax Specials!

I don't share specials like this very often but these are pretty good and just in time for all your back to school supplies!

FREE $50 hotel cash card with any purchase of $150 or more. Use code TRAVEL. Get FREE gifts with select ink and toner purchase. Plus, GREAT deals on Back To School supplies, furniture, paper and more!  As always, officemax.com offers FREE SHIPPING on orders $50+. Click on the button to find out more!  Save $50, HP OfficeJet 6500A Printer, only $99.99 at officemax.com

FREE Gifts With Select Ink and Toner purchase at officemax.com
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Back to School Savings, for all your schools needs visit officemax.com
Save $60, Hitachi Life Studio 2TB External Hard Drive, only $89.99 at officemax.com
Offers are good 7/17-7/23/2011

A Quote that every person needs to hear

Don't let people’s compliments go to your head and don’t let their criticisms go to your heart. The degree to which you do either of these things, is to the degree to which you’ll be ruled by what other people think of you.-Lysa TerKeurst

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50 in 350

I am listing out some goals that I want to accomplish in the next year. I will be adding a page to my blog so I can keep track and you can follow my progress. I am working on 50 goals to complete in the next 350 days. Some are projects I'd like to do or are fitness related, some are to help build my faith and knowledge of the Word. But they are all things I want to do or change in my life and in my family. It is really hard to come up with 50 things! When I am done with my list there will be a new tab up above for the whole world to see [yikes!] and you all better keep me accountable!
What goals do you have? Are you a goal-setter or do you just fly by the seat of your pants? It is ok if you don't have 50 but I'd love to see your goals! Post them, share them!  

A Long Journey: Part Six (the end)

July 2010, Washington, DC

Continued from yesterday's post...

At 215 pounds I landed in Mexico City. Our third country in three years. I had a lot of stress and then I started getting sick. I was sick for the first seven months here, off and on. I will spare you the details but it was not an enjoyable experience. The boys and I went home (CA and NV) for a month to visit family and try to get healthy. I just got a different kind of sick but it was a nice break. Around this time I also started Weight Watchers Online. I had a jump start on my weight loss from being sick and I wanted to keep it up. I exercise sporadically, I really wish I could find a routine and also get that "high" that everyone talks about. But I have lost 42 pounds in just about a year. I'm over half way to my goal. Now, if the stress would go away and my husband would get me a nanny... Just kidding or dreaming, maybe. My eating has changed, I feel more in control and keeping track of what I put in my mouth has helped so much! Changing my eating has made a huge difference. I just need to make the commitment to an exercise routine then I can watch the rest of these pounds melt off. I feel so much better, I have more energy. My blood pressure has not gone down though. That could be genetics and might be something I deal with forever. 

Pray for me. God and my wonderful husband have gotten me this far. There is no way I could've done it on my own. 

Amen.

A Long Journey: Part Five

Continued from yesterday's post:
In July 2006, Jason and I got married. I was then at my heaviest of 212 pounds. After having Joshua by cesarean and then having my gall bladder out a month later I was so tired and sore for a long time. Five months later we were packing out to move to Sicily. The other side of the world with my new family. After arriving, I was indeed suffering from some culture shock but more from military living than from living in a foreign country. Not long after moving into our new house we found out we'd be having another little one. Our boys were only 18 months apart. But with Nikolas I only gained THREE pounds! That was gone when we left the hospital, three days after my cesarean. I experienced some major exhaustion but also some depression. I don't think it was post-partum but just being so alone and so far from home. Food to the rescue! I was a binge eater for sure. During our time in Sicily, I met God. I was Catholic but while we were there I met and developed a relationship with Jesus. So much changed but it was a long road. I learned to lean on Jesus when I was lonely. Then He sent me some friends that will be my friends for life. They were my family. Two years after Nikolas was born we moved to Washington, DC. We joined the gym, never went, enjoyed eating all the American food we'd been missing. And then Jason starting traveling for work. It was horrible. I was so lonely and stressed. Then we got word that we would be moving to Mexico City... in six weeks. Eight weeks later, after two in a hotel waiting on visas, we flew out. I was at my heaviest ever, 215 pounds.

A Long Journey: Part Four

July 2005 Universal Studios

In July 2004, I "met" my husband. We met online and had three long months to get to know each other. He was deployed and returned in October. I rode the train to Ventura to meet him and I was hooked. He was different than the other boys I'd met. I moved down there about 6 weeks later. We also ate out a lot (more crap!) but he had navy standards to stick to so we did go to the gym. I started working and it helped to get out of the house. But I had an obsession with food. I wanted it all the time, even if I wasn't hungry. So the weight gain continued. As my boyfriend (now hubs) was preparing for his next deployment, we decided that I would move home and look for work. Then we could save money and get a nicer place when he got back. About two weeks after he left I was having lunch with my girlfriend and we came to the realization that I was pregnant. I was exhausted, everything hurt and I couldn't stop crying. He found out he was going to be a dad by instant message while he was in Iraq. I did really well during pregnancy. When I actually felt like eating, I ate as much as I could. There were days that all I could eat was crackers and hot tea. I gained 13 pounds with Joshua and at my 6 week follow up appointment I had lost it all.
Continued tomorrow...

A Long Journey: Part Three

Continued from yesterday's post:

December 1995: Senior Picture

I began my senior year with a wonderful boyfriend. I also had been attending summer school every summer and had earned enough credits to graduate early. In November, just before my December graduation the boyfriend broke up with me and moved on rather quickly (before we broke up). I was devastated. You know, that first love blah blah blah. It took me a while but I recovered even though there were days that I never thought I would. On December 15, 1995 I graduated and planned on going to school to be a dental assistant a few months later. During this time I had a job and spent most of my money on cd's and liquor (aka wine coolers-don't judge me!). If you didn't know, liquor is full of calories and carbs! Never you mind that I was only seventeen. I commuted to school and then started eating out more. more junk. And the pounds kept packing on. It was a viscous cycle. After a few more boyfriends and lets just say a few more drinks I finally hit rock bottom...

Continued tomorrow...

rearranging

i am making a few changes to my blog and rearranging some things. hoping to make things more streamlined and simple. comments welcome. excuse the chaos.

A Long Journey: Part Two

Continued from yesterday's post:

November 1994

In the spring of my sophomore year I met my first boyfriend, like for real boyfriend. I was a dumb girlfriend though. I totally surrendered my life to this guy. I loved him so much. Ugh, makes me nauseous to think of myself back then. I followed him like a puppy. Blech. Anyway, I stopped playing sports so I could spend any waking moment with him, of course. We ate out a lot, ate a lot of crap. And didn't do much else... movies, tv, football games, you get the idea. Sitting. I gained weight fast. I didn't really even notice until I couldn't get my jeans on. This was during the time of baggy jeans and grunge music. My sophomore year at prom (my boyfriend was a senior) I wore a dress that was size 3/4 and I was teeny! My junior year (with the same boyfriend) I went to prom in a size 12! Look at that picture-before the fat set in- at another dance. What I would do to fit in that dress again, I still have it!
Continued tomorrow...